5 Questions Every Black Mama Should Bring to Parent-Teacher Conferences (That Have Nothing to Do with Grades)

Let’s be honest: the second you hear “parent-teacher conference” your stomach might tighten a little. For many of us, it feels like stepping into a spotlight—like the teacher’s about to tell you all the ways you’ve failed at this parenting thing.

But parent-teacher conferences are not just about grades. In fact, for a lot of our kids, grades are just the surface. The deeper issue? Agency. Does my child know how to advocate for themselves? Do they take initiative? Do they have the confidence to keep trying when it gets hard?

If you only ask about numbers or grades on a report card, you’ll miss the chance to learn how your child is growing in the skills that actually carry them through school and life.

So here are 5 powerful questions to bring to your next conference—questions that move beyond grades and zero in on agency.

1. How does my child respond when they get stuck?

Do they shut down, wait for someone to rescue them, or try to problem-solve? This tells you everything about their independence and resilience.

2. What does my child do well in the classroom that might not show up in grades?

Maybe they’re the first to help another student, or maybe they bring creative ideas during group work. These are agency markers teachers sometimes overlook but matter deeply.

3. How often does my child speak up for themselves—asking questions, clarifying directions, or advocating for what they need?

Agency isn’t just knowing the answer; it’s having the courage to raise your hand or respectfully say, “I don’t understand.”

4. What routines or habits help my child succeed in class?

Is it organization? Daily participation? This can give you ideas to reinforce similar routines at home.

5. Where do you see my child taking initiative?

Initiative is a huge piece of agency. Maybe they lead in group projects, maybe they choose challenging books, or maybe they encourage others. You want to know.

Here’s the bigger shift: Stop going to conferences only looking for grades and deficits. Start showing up as a partner with the teacher to ask: How is my child building the skills to navigate school and life with confidence?

And because I know sometimes it’s hard to think of the right words in the moment, I put together a free list of 20 must-ask questions for your next parent-teacher conference. Download it, bring it with you, and walk into that meeting ready.

Parent-teacher conferences are not an evaluation of you as a parent—they’re a snapshot of where your child is on their journey. Go in prepared, ask the right questions, and you’ll leave not just with grades but with a clearer picture of how your child is building agency.

Want the full list to bring with you? Grab the free resource here and walk into your next conference ready.